Charlee (my youngest), Peyton (my middle), Jade (our neighbor & honorary daughter), Beau (my brother), Me, Brett (my husband), Drew (my ex-husband), & Austin (my oldest)
Its been a little while since I posted, sorry life has been CrAzY!! I wanted to share a little glimpse into my life, my family’s life as we co-parent our oldest son. The ideal family is a husband, wife and 2.5 children. Where you get that half child I have no idea! Unfortunately that isn’t reality for all of us. It isn’t reality for us. My first husband and I had the most adorable little boy together. A perfect little being that made me a mom. As perfect as that little boy was, our marriage was far from that. We divorced just short of our three year anniversary. It was brutal, painful, the most horrible experience I have ever gone through. We were both left as single parents struggling to figure out life. How would we raise this little boy in two different homes with two people who couldn’t agree on anything. We were trying to navigate the world that now seemed bigger than it ever had before. It took years of arguing, pointing fingers and blaming each other for anything and everything to realize we were getting nowhere. Lots of life happened until one day it finally clicked. Why were we always fighting? Why did I hate this person so much that had given me this beautiful child?
Anything that had happened was in the past. There was nothing that could be done to fix all those past mistakes. We were left with a choice; forgive, forget and move forward as co-parents or hold on to all the bitterness and be miserable. We chose forgiveness.
Drew, Austin, Me & Brett
We parent as a team of 3, my husband, my ex-husband and myself. We make decisions about our son together, we cheer him on, celebrate his victories and support him in his failures. We do our best to make sure that Austin, our son, knows that he is loved beyond measure. That he can come to anyone of us whenever he needs to. There is no picking sides or choosing one parent over the other. He has all 3 of us all the time. Which its positives and negatives for him I’m sure! Are we always on the same page? Is it always easy? Absolutely not! There are times I want to strangle my ex-husband….. and my husband, as I’m sure there are times they aren’t thrilled with me. We don’t do all of this for each other, we do it for our son.
Is it ideal? No. I will tell you that through all this craziness God has turned our mess into a message. I know what’s going on when my son is with his dad because we’re able to communicate. I get pictures when they are away of all the fun things they are doing. When we are all together my son’s father includes my two daughter as does his family. We share meals together, birthday parties and some holidays. I can honestly say most divorced couples don’t get these opportunities or experiences. I am thankful that I get to be a part of as much of my son’s life as I can. I am blessed that I can sit down with my husband and ex-husband and discuss what is best for our son. I am humbled by what God has done in the lives of a bunch sinners. We have an unconventional, crazy, unique family, but it’s our family and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Regardless of how much or how little I like my son’s father he is a part of my son and always will be. Our parenting doesn’t end once he turns 18. We are stuck, interconnected whether we like it or not. God willing we will have graduation celebrations, a wedding which means adding another daughter to our family and hopefully a ton of grandchildren. I don’t want to have to experience some of life’s greatest moments with bitterness in my heart. I don’t want my son to have to worry about who he may or may not be upsetting. I don’t want to have to split time with grandchildren because I’m unable to be in the same room with my ex-husband. I want to enjoy each and every moment. I want to celebrate those moments with the people who love my son just as much as I do. If that means being the weird family, then so be it.
Myself, Brett, Drew, Peyton & Austin
Life is not easy, marriage, parenting, being adult is hard. Sometimes we make it harder than it should be. Sometimes we just have to let go of the past and move on to a future that is more than we could ever of imagined. I know our journey is not over. At some point Austin’s dad may chose to get married again. I pray for this woman. I pray she is not only a perfect fit for him but for our son. I pray that she will fit into the mix of our crazy family. Someday I pray that all three of my children will marry their significant others and the dynamics will change again. That’s just the way it goes. Constantly changing, constantly moving forward, constantly growing in the reassurance that God is holding it all together.
Brett, Peyton, Drew & Matt (Peyton keeping the men in her life in check- doing what she does best!)
A huge thanks to my amazing husband! He has accepted me as a package deal from the beginning. He has loved my son like his own, no questions asked. He has made a point to get to know and build a friendship with Drew so that they can parent together in the best way possible. There are times he takes Drew’s side and I’m vetoed out, and that’s ok because it’s whats ultimately best for Austin. If it were not for my husband I don’t know if we would all get along as well as we do. There are many men who never do what my husband has done. I am beyond blessed!